Monday, March 9, 2015

It’s been a year...

It’s been a year, though it feels just like yesterday.

Just yesterday you were in the city and I was showing you around. Just yesterday we went to that lighthouse. Just yesterday we shared a drink by the beach. Just yesterday the cops chased us. Just yesterday you told me how much you treasured life and had moved on from a sorrowful past. Just yesterday you promised me you’d always be by my side, having my back.

I miss you so much. There isn’t a night where I have not talked to you. On my bad trips, I’ve been angry at you for leaving me like this. How do you feel when you see me today, when you see what my life has been without you for a year? You have all my secrets with you. Are you ashamed of me? Are you hurt? Are you happy? Every time I do something for myself, I think about how proud you must be of me. And the times I goof up, I wish you’d forgive me and strengthen me.

I am standing at crossroads today, with a lot in life. Hoping that you’ll speak up from inside me, or in a hallucinatory spell, or a sign or a dream. You loved me too much in life to let go off me in death. I know you are watching me. Even as I type this. I know you read me, just like you used to visit this site on a sly back then. Every time I found myself detached from you, you tried finding footprints of me here. Now, where am I to look for you?

Will I get to see you again?
Will we be at the same place, in the same frame, like this.. again?

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