Tuesday, March 31, 2015

When Linda Goodman wrote "There's just a little snag in their brains that makes them unconventional" she hit the bull's eye. To a normal person, having the perfect family, the perfect love of your life, the perfect job, the perfect friendships may seem enough.. But an Aquarian wants something different. The world thinks they are stupid, messing their lives up, dissatisfied inn general. But they are just looking at a different life. For them, instability is the spice of life; they are souls you can't tie to your bedpost. I thought it was a thing with me... But after a lovely evening with three other Aquarians, I knew I was not the only one with the snag. ;)

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Love was never meant to be all black or white. There are these grey areas that haunt. Greys of self worth and independence. Of circumstances. Of changing individuals. Of another love. Of realisations. And slowly the grey pushes you to black. A heart of darkness, of nothingness. Where something lived once upon a time. But hell, you don't miss it. You grow to like the darkness. Your thoughts, your responses, your writing. It all goes dark. Till one fine day another ray of light hits you. Walking you towards the grey again. And if it is strong enough, to push you towards white again. But how long would this ray live on.. You'll find yourself in the greys again.. Or black maybe. I know not what is the colour of my heart. And which of these three are great for it. I'll let my heart go with the flow and explore it all. Coz whatever be the colour, my heart's unbreakable.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

I am an empath at heart.. I know what you think in that mind of yours. I know just the words you are going to speak, just the reaction you are going to have. Your lows, your highs, try hiding them from me.. You can't. I need not be your soul mate, need not be around you all the while. It's just a connection I can't explain. A vibe maybe, that just lets me know it all.. I am an empath at heart.. But unlike most theories, it does not bring me social anxiety. It redeems me from my messes. Telling me I'm not alone. That there are bigger demons out there. That I could help someone fight them.. I am an empath at heart.. And if I find another empath in you, who thinks and feels the same way as I do, I'll let you fight my demons for me..

Monday, March 23, 2015

Swallow me O darkness..
Don't let them find me..
I prefer your world of dreams..
Don't let the sun awaken me..
I love your silence to chirping birds..
The way you put all chaos to sleep..
Hide my smiles and my tears..
Take away all my worldly fears..
Don't let them see the real me..
Cage me in your nights forever..
In a slumber that mocks the days that come

Sunday, March 22, 2015

I was reading a post on suicides and the afterlife on the 'Channeling Erik' blog today.. And Erik had such an interesting take on the topic. That maybe suicide for some coincides with the natural timing of death, like it would be in an accident or out of cancer. That it is not an act of cowardice, but probably a means of redeeming yourself from this life, knowing that your time is up and preparing yourself for bigger roles in the next lifetime. And we in the human world despise those who take the step.. Who are we at the end of the day to define what the soul sees? Who are we, as humans, in a human world, to understand what lies beyond? Maybe they just knew that their time was up...
I want a selfless person in my life. Someone who'll take me in his arms and hug me for as long as the clocks ticks.. Someone who wont expect me to look into his eyes and answer his questions.. Someone who won't be tempted to lean in and kiss.. Who won't expect me to be something or someone, who'll just let me fly through my days.. His dreams disconnected from mine.. Maybe when I hold his hand he won't skip a heartbeat.. And every time that we are alone, he will just let me be.. Not craving to the tune of my heartbeats.. Not creating footprints next to mine... Letting me absorb the sunset by myself... I need a selfless person in my life..

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Don't take my stories with you. They'll only stop you from writing your own. Our books are different and so are our readers. We can probably stay on the same shelf, probably even next to each other; but our pages shall always be bound to our bosom, protected by covers, like fortified walls. You can never read me and I can never read you. Because we'll never be on the same page, or in the same book..

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

You can’t love me like a fire escape.

"You can’t love me like a fire escape. Sometimes I will be the match, or the smoke under the door. I don’t know what I’m doing, all I know is that we all catch fire sometimes, before we even get warm."

- Caitlyn S.

Such beautiful words... 

Monday, March 9, 2015

It’s been a year...

It’s been a year, though it feels just like yesterday.

Just yesterday you were in the city and I was showing you around. Just yesterday we went to that lighthouse. Just yesterday we shared a drink by the beach. Just yesterday the cops chased us. Just yesterday you told me how much you treasured life and had moved on from a sorrowful past. Just yesterday you promised me you’d always be by my side, having my back.

I miss you so much. There isn’t a night where I have not talked to you. On my bad trips, I’ve been angry at you for leaving me like this. How do you feel when you see me today, when you see what my life has been without you for a year? You have all my secrets with you. Are you ashamed of me? Are you hurt? Are you happy? Every time I do something for myself, I think about how proud you must be of me. And the times I goof up, I wish you’d forgive me and strengthen me.

I am standing at crossroads today, with a lot in life. Hoping that you’ll speak up from inside me, or in a hallucinatory spell, or a sign or a dream. You loved me too much in life to let go off me in death. I know you are watching me. Even as I type this. I know you read me, just like you used to visit this site on a sly back then. Every time I found myself detached from you, you tried finding footprints of me here. Now, where am I to look for you?

Will I get to see you again?
Will we be at the same place, in the same frame, like this.. again?

\

Sunday, March 8, 2015

And here we are today...

And here we are today. Suppressing our real selves after baring our souls. Knowing each other well enough to look through masks. Wanting to reach out, yet not being able to. What have we done to each other? After all the beginnings you used to speak of, is this the end we deserved? Maybe yes. Maybe it was better to let go now, with fewer memories to deal with. Maybe I was not strong enough to fight the world for you. Maybe your fading faith in me distanced me further. Maybe we would have been really awesome together. Maybe we connected because we balanced each other. Maybe all that we shared would haunt us at some point or the other, for the rest of our lives. Maybe it was all a dream, a beautiful magical dream.

I know you hate it when I use the word ‘Maybe’. But isn’t that what we were? An uncertainty…

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Ever felt hungry for someone's words? A strong craving for a response or mere remembrance? We think in the air, write it, say it.. Hoping those words and thoughts would bounce back to us. And for the unsaid ones, we rely on vibes, to carry them from one heart to another. In the dark of this night, I crave to hear you. Show me some sign that my vibes reach you. That you are watching me, knowing all my ups and downs, that you are around, that you care.. still.. I try and sleep deep enough to connect with you. Probably dreams are the only way you can reach me. And yet, I wake up with no memory of you. Through broken spells, I wait and wait, night after night. Have you really gone that far? Even after you promised to stay..

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

There was a time I wrote to you..Catching words from thin air.. Weaving stories that made you smile.. In couplets and letters.. So many words trapped for life, on papers, on screens.. Heavy on emotions but just what made the heart feel lighter.. And then the words stopped flowing through.. The ink ran out, the fingers grew weary.. So many blank, crumpled papers.. So many drafted posts and incomplete diary entries.. The world thought I had bottled it all up.. But deep within, the lightness remained.. Coz why would I pen my thoughts to you When you read me best between the lines

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Say something...

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...

Can't stop listening to this... and waiting for you.. to say something...