Sunday, October 28, 2012

Bidding adieu

I know you'll go away too, one fine day
And all the trouble I went through
To get used to your likes and dislikes
All the emotions I invested
To get myself to start adoring you
Will all be in vain

I will have to undo it all
All the cells in my brain that carry you
Every memory will have to be wiped off
Each object that reminds me of you
Will have to be disposed off forever

And eventhough you say you won't go
I know it's temporary
I will live in this moment
Till you're here by my side
Although it's not meant to last

But I have started preparing myself
To get un-used to you
Started telling myself
To not hoard more of you
Started telling myself
The end is near

Friday, October 26, 2012


An appliance that does not work anymore, you get it exchanged.A worn out pair of shoes, a purse torn apart, you go buy a new one.
A diary that's run out of pages, you switch to a new one.
An affected organ in the body, the doctor advises a transplant.
A dead spouse, the world advises second marriage.
A tree cut, the Government requests you to plant 10 instead.
A family loses an elder, finds solace in a newborn addition. 

The human mind is obsessed with finding replacements...
Hell bent on filling up the voids in life
But not anything and everything be replaced...
Not all blank spaces can be filled

Sometimes, emptiness is what should be treasured, nurtured.
But then again....for how long can memories fuel survival?
For how long will you feed yourself with past glories, smile at old photographs with dried tears, read old letters without a twitch in your heart? For how long will you sit by the grave, preserve the remnants, hold on?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Entangled minds - VII

He could not just take his eyes off Eileen. She looked so different from her usual self. And so different from every other woman around. Had she been the only one in that room he would have drawn her in his arms and looked into those kohl smudged eyes for long. Gently pushed aside her curling locks behind her ears and whispered sweet nothings amidst the jingle of her earrings. He could feel her soft velvety hands against his manly chest, his arms tracing her perfectly shaped back, finally resting against her waist. Her heart was beating faster or was it his pulse? He had never been in this close proximity to her. He could feel her rhythmic breathing, as he inhaled her. And her eyes gradually closing as she lifted her chin and drew closer.

Was this the moment?
No. His phone buzzed.
Was it all a mirage? A figment of his imagination?
He was jolted back to reality. She was standing metres away, hidden from his gaze by a group of friends.
But he knew for a fact, the feeling was mutual.  

Didn't he feel like a hypocrite avoiding a conversation all day, afraid that she would catch him ogling. Didn't he trust his hands, that he would unintentionally creep towards her every time she stood next to him. Didn't he have a control on his emotions anymore.

They say love does that to you. But Joy was not ready to admit his love. He could not. He'd rather bury it. An engagement ring on his finger was supposed to have strangulated his budding desires. Just yesterday.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Mercy killing...

I have seen her life seeping out of her
Bit by bit, in intermittent sighs
Heard her whining in excruciating pain
Putting down all her defenses and hopes

Does she know it's her last day tomorrow?
Does she know they are putting her down?
Does she know her sufferings will end
All in a minute's time?

One shot can ease the pain
One shot can end all sufferings
One shot is all it takes
To traverse from life to death

They say it's all for the better,
But who gave us the authority to decide?
What if she lives a few breaths more?
What if she gets miraculously saved?

I drew a cross on her forehead
I know that chances are bleak
I know within it's our last meeting
I pray He makes it easy

I took that fateful long-avoided decision
I feel guilty that I spared a miracle
I feel at peace to know she'd be happy
I know she'll understand and thank me in a dream

Thursday, October 18, 2012


I am afraid
To let you hold my hand
To let your eyes read mine
Afraid that you might spoil me
That I might cry for you someday

I am afraid
That we’re getting closer
That we have so much to talk
That we have slates to wipe
And stones to cast away

I am afraid, to hear your heartbeats
Afraid that our breaths may clash
Afraid, that you might kiss me
And cast your spell on me

Don’t you hear my words fumble?
Can’t you see my spine shivers?
Don’t you sense my coldness and fear?
That I am afraid..
Afraid of falling for you.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Entangled minds - VI

Dear Joy,

I don't understand the language of riddles.
There is a very thin line between love and friendship. And sometimes I wonder which side of the line you are on. It took me a while to understand my own stance, but now that I have, I am writing to you. 

There is a vast difference between admiration and love. I admire you, for the caring and sensitive person you are. I don't love you Joy, because you're the most perfect guy I have met till date. Yes, you're just too perfect, too good at everything you do. And thanks to this perfection, you've been my knight in shining armor on so many occasions, you've helped me clear obstacles that scared the wits out of me, you've been a ray of hope in so many dark hours, you promised me that we'll face it together and lived by every word. 

But no, I cannot expect any of this anymore, because I am not capable of loving anyone, anymore. 

You tried to stir the chords of my numb heart 
Tried to melt the walls with your melody
But alas! The fire was put out long ago
And the embers are stone-cold dead
Don't try to kindle them... 



This is the one and only time that she wrote to me. I was hysterical the day I read it. I wanted to grab her by the arm, look her in the eye and question her. But then, something stopped me. It was the sheer admiration for her, that respect she commanded. Eileen always had valid reasons for everything. She believed that every event under the sun happened for a greater good. I gave up the idea. 
That was the day I realised, I was in love with Eileen. 
That was the day I accidentally bumped into your mother, Aparna. 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

A history of struggle

Giving up a career at NASA, recession, running from pillar to post, competition, controversies, loss of a son.  There was a lot that Bedabrata Pain had to cope with to finally see his film Chittagong release and see the light of the day.

Chittagong, a period drama based on the 1930 Chittagong armoury raid, traces one of the most glorious chapters of Indian history and drives home the point that ordinary people can script a victory, going beyond iconic heroes. The film is set to release on October 12, but the obstacles in its path have been no less than a struggle for filmmaker Bedabrata Pain.

Acquiring resources
In 2007, Pain started writing his film as he quit his job at NASA. By 2008, he started approaching financers with his script in Mumbai. Soon Mumbai Mantra, a film unit of the Mahindra’s decided to finance his film. But then recession hit, and Pain regretted giving up his job, but he shortly received his royalty payments for his patents, which was about enough to complete the film.
Prasoon Joshi of Reliance Entertainment offered his services as a lyricist instead as he failed to fund the film. Thanks to his introductions, Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy and Resul Pookutty were on board the film. Manoj Bajpai and Barry John agreed to take up their assigned roles. But for his 13-year-old lead, the Chittagong team auditioned thousands of young boys, till Dilzad Hiwale was discovered. Pain took one look at him and decided he’d found his protagonist Jhunku. Pain also had the good fortune of meeting the real Jhunku Roy, while the latter was on his death bed in 2007.
Shooting began late January 2010. However the shoot wrapped up in 42 days, not because they had everything they needed, but because they were out of money and time. They’d shot possibly 70 per cent of the scenes.

Battling competition and controversy
Remember Ashutosh Gowariker’s Kheley Hum Jee Jaan Se (KHJJS) that released in 2010? Chittagong was shot around the same time frame, but being a smaller budget film, it was ignored compared to the Oscar-nominated Gowariker’s attempt. And KHJJS had a higher star value with Abhishek Bacchan and Deepika Padukone as the lead actors, compared to a lesser known (back then) Manoj Bajpayee and Barry John.

Rumors were rampant about Pain’s script being based on Manini Chatterjee’s book ‘Do And Die: The Chittagong Uprising 1930-34’. The rights were sold to Gowariker for KHJJS. Yet a conspiracy suggested that it was used as a reference by Pain as well. Soon enough, Producer Anurag Kashyap blamed Amitabh Bacchan for using his influence to position KHJJS as it starred his son Abhishek. This led to further delays in Chittagong’s release. The distributors too acted funny, adding to the mess. With KHJJS released, Chittagong lay buried in memories, until it surfaced again in 2012.

A predicted victory?
Critics believe that this is the best time for Chittagong to release. With Manoj Bajpai tasting success and riding high with Rajneeti and Gangs of Wasseypur in his kitty, there is no comparison between him and Abhishek Bacchan. And with a star cast like Barry John, Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Vega Tamotia, Jaideep Ahlawat, could we ask for anything better?
The period film also boasts of a delightful soundtrack by the talented trio of Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy and sound by Oscar-acclaimed Resul Pookutty, with most of the songs being raga-based.           

Director’s take
In an earlier interview, Pain quoted, “Most of our films on freedom struggle end in a defeat. I did not want to tell a story like that. I did not want a story that emphasizes daring and sacrifice, but ultimately ends in despair. I wanted to tell a story where ordinary people, like you and me, can make a difference and can win a victory. In today`s world, when people are dissatisfied with so many things, and are trying to change the situations they find themselves in , I feel stories of success are far more relevant. I hope that my Chittagong can give everybody confidence in their daily battles.”

Celebrity reviews
After a special premiere screening, here is what some celebs had to say about the film.
Amitabh Bacchan: “A moving touching experience. Sensitively shot and enacted, a film that captures an important part of our history, a freedom fight against British rule, by a bunch of school kids! It is a real life story on real characters, where a Master Da led a bunch of his school children in armed revolt against the British!” 
Shahrukh Khan: “What a delightfully intense film Chittagong. All the best Bedo, Anurag Kashyap, Manoj, Vega, Nawazuddin, Shonali. Thanks for the experience.”

Entangled minds - V

“Check and Mate!”
This was the third consecutive time Joy had defeated her.
“You take silent pleasure in putting me down, don’t you?” she protested.
“It was a fair and square game lost! Though I hate to see a pretty thing like you lose.”
It was tough game for him facing her. He was the ace, the undefeated champion at the chessboard. While she was someone who could literally take his mind off the game with just a flicker of her lashes. Not that she deliberately made attempts to woo him off his tactical moves, though unknowingly, in vain.
“But I must appreciate! You did put up a tough fight right till the end,” he chuckled.
“Pleasure,” she smiled.
“Another game?”
“No. I have to head home. Some other day.”
“I wanna lose to you someday Eileen.”
She understood it all. All his subtle signals, his words that said something and meant something else, his constant craving to be around her all the time. Why was it always so that they uncannily ended up spending more time together? Why was it that she was the only one who agreed to play against him while the rest backed off? Why were they always made to sit together at the lunch table? Why would he urge to spend holidays with her when he had many others to hang out with? Why was he always trying to be her knight in shining armour? All this made her feel special and she saw nothing wrong with it, as long as Joy was within his limits. But she had her limitations, grave ones, because of which she chose to ignore it all. It was all pointless.
Because she knew what Joy didn’t, that it was not meant to last.
She could only smile...

Friday, October 5, 2012

Entangled minds - IV

It had been 3 hours since they had spoken a word. Locked away from the maddening chaos, that was their little space, or so he thought. A space for possible intimate thoughts between intimate strangers.  But that day they seemed to be more alien than the day they first met.
He was the first to break the silence amidst the constant clatter of the keyboards.

“Where is your phone?” he asked meekly.
She lifted her head from her laptop screen and looked at him and then briefly glanced to her left. In a fraction of a second her eyes shot back to the screen. He saw the lifeless piece of metal lying abandoned on the chair next to her. The light glowing off its screen, a song was still playing on it and the headphones were a royal mess above the screen. The tune was not as audible as to recognize, but it seemed like a distantly hummed melody.
“Err.. I sent you something Eileen,” his voice yearned to hear her’s.
“Well, I am right in front of you. Tell me what you have to,” she said unmoved.
“No. Check your phone.”
She reluctantly disengaged herself from a half typed sentence and reached towards her phone, paused the song, unplugged the headphones and saw an unread message. She opened it.
And finally he saw what he was longing to, her radiant smile.


Oh how I wish I could tell her that her smile made my day. I’d trade a million rupees, just to see that twinkle in her eyes, that glow across her cheeks. I often wondered what got her serious. I hated it when she brooded. But, well her moods were unpredictable to the hilt and her silence could surely kill.
“You loved her didn’t you dad?”
“I was never able to figure out what I truly felt for Eileen. She just mattered a lot to me.”
"She still does. Right Joy?"
Aparna stood at the bedroom door with his piping hot tea. 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Entangled minds - III

The rain had grown to a woeful blizzard. The bus station looked like a sea of umbrellas and raincoat clad workers returning home from a busy day. The road was beginning to get flooded, much to his disregard.
“You hate the rain eh?” she mocked.
“No. It’s just that I have my phone and my bag and a cold.”
“Ah don’t bother. A little rain did no harm!”
She tugged his hand and pulled him off the stairway to the roofed skywalk that they were just about to take, instead onto the lane below.
“No. You can’t be serious!” he groaned back.
“Stop cribbing! You are drenched already.”
So much for him having left his umbrella behind at home, and so much for her dire hatred towards carrying one! She loved the rains to death. She could walk in that storm all day with the grace of a swan, without complaining. And she loved it more when she had company.
They walked on amidst puddles, wet flowers, mucky cement, strewn food, making their way through a host of umbrellas hitting their heads, finally making it to the bus he was to take to head back home.
“There. You’re finally going to have a roof on your head on your way back,” she teased.
“Never mind. I am drenched already,” he teased her back.
“Goodbye and have a safe journey,” her eyes gleaming with joy.
“Goodbye and…  I love the rains too,” he whispered just before boarding. Although she tried hiding it, he didn’t miss the pink blush of her face in the chaos.


“A lot of conversations happened that evening, between me and Eileen. Some talks that I’d rather restrict to my fading memories. But I remember we spent nearly an hour at that bus station. No, I was not yet in love with her, not yet.”


It’s so strange living under the same roof and yet being so disconnected.

So much that it has been days since you have seen each other, exchanged a good word, let alone eaten together.

And the worst part is, you don’t feel it because you have grown so numb and selfish towards it all.
But, there is no reason to not be selfish. What examples of positivity do you have around? What examples of good relationships do you have around? No wonder you lose faith, no wonder you become selfish. No wonder you’d just rather give up.

Separation was always on the cards. Stay ignorant, stay foolish.  

Mind your language

English is about widening of horizons, being a part of a larger global family, about social acceptance, about civilized mannerisms and about being modern. No wonder today’s Bollywood movies have protagonists who go beyond the boundaries of Indian languages to embrace English.

Gone are the times when dialogues had to be grammatically correct, when lyrics to songs made poetic sense. We live in an era where ‘Hinglish’ has evolved as a hybrid to satisfy the need to express in a better way. With English Vinglish all set to release on 5th October, we reminisce the journey of this ‘phunny’ language called English through the reels of time, across various classrooms over time and space . Beware, if you thought Bollywood characters were satisfied with speaking Hindi, the following memorable examples may just change your mind and tongue.

Amitabh Bacchhan as Arjun Singh in Namak Halal 
If you’ve ever heard that English is a phunny language, you heard it here first. As Amitabh sets off on a verbose journey to claim that he knows the language, his knowledge turns out to be quite a humorous headache for the listener.

Dharmendra as Dr. Parimal Tripathi in Chupke Chupke
Dharmendra who is disguised as a driver, tries his hand at the English language in a bid to spend more time with his lady love Sharmila Tagore. His capers add to the comic elements in the movie. His line “Agar T O ‘to’ hota hai, D O ‘do’ hota hai toh GO …” one can figure the rest out and smile at his innocence. And if you still don’t get it, try reading the line aloud.

R. Madhavan as Ramnarayan a.k.a. Robert in Ramji Londonwaley
The film is the story of a brilliant chef who goes abroad, driven by circumstances and tries to learn the language for the sake of his survival. Madhavan’s chocolate boy features combined with his efforts to learn English makes his performance endearing to the viewer.

Uday Chopra as Ali in Dhoom

Ali’s desperate tries to win a girl’s heart or show his smartness is accompanied with the need to use broken English. It not only helps pepper the otherwise action-oriented movie with humor but also relates to any and every boy next door who wishes to impress a girl with his language skills.

Jaaved Jaffrey as Crocodile Dundee a.k.a. Jaggu Yadav in Salaam Namaste
Trying to emulate Paul Hogan’s character in Crocodile Dundee, Jaffrey tries to add ‘s’ to every English word he speaks. This style of speaking English became quite a craze with the movie’s success at the Box Office. It is still identified as the funniest rendition of English in Bollywood. Recollect those coolly dressed country-attired boys with huge hats waiting outside colleges with flashy pick-up lines? Eggjactly!

Supriya Pathak as Sid’s mom in Wake Up Sid
A mother makes attempts to speak the language to be a good friend to her son. Her broken English captures a broken soul trying to cope with modernity and also invokes a sense of wanting to belong to a new space. She sounds humorous but the viewer manages to empathize more, than laugh at the mistakes. 

Supriya Pathak and Rajeev Mehta as Hansa and Praful in Khichdi
“Hello! How aar?” No one murders the language as beautifully as they do. They have a dictionary of their own when it comes to figuring out the meanings of complicated English words. And they leave the viewer in splits with their myriad interpretations. You might actually forget the real meanings of some words if you have an overdose of this laugh riot.

Ajay Devgn as Prithviraj Raghuvanshi in Bol Bacchhan
Ajay's character tries hard to talk in English, but ends up doing literal translations of famous Hindi proverbs. He translates "Bagal mein chhora aur sheher mein dhindora" as "Boy under armpit and hypercity noise pollution", and "Tujhe paakar meri chhaati aur bhi choudi ho gayi hai" as "My chest has become blouse.” And the joke is not lost in translation but the translation itself.

(features this week in the Blockbuster magazine) 

Monday, October 1, 2012


And when you feel all doors have shut on you..
Just keep a check on your phone,
An unexpected call may bring an unexpected gift and a new found happiness

Angels exist
And so does good food make your day.. especially if it comes from a city you've never been to ;)