Sunday, November 7, 2010

Nov 1- Nov 7......a rollercoaster ride

The past week has been emotionally taxing.

1) When I met my Grandmother, all she did was stare at me. She took time to recognize me. And then she started crying. We were looking at each other and crying. The bastard was watching us and passing comments. He refused to leave us alone. And then I could not take it anymore and shouted back "Do you want your kids to take care of you like this when you grow old?" He kept mum, his wife started bantering, "Who cleaned and took care of her all these years?" Tall claims and complains. And we still looked at each other and cried. I knew I was not going to see her again. She knew too.
I have never prayed for someone's death. But now I am forced to. Coz I know she will be relieved only after she dies.
I grew up with her until things went wrong and she had to be sent to Goa at my Mama's. I was 11. How I wish I could bring her back home, make her last few days joyous. How I wish things were fine.

2) After coming home, my parents were welcoming. Thankfully mom did not start interrogating me for my rude behaviour at my Mama's. But yet, there is this divide. You can't really share everything with your parents. They have a different level of understanding altogether. So again, it stays all bottled up.

3) Then came a really hurting conversation on messages.

4) I realised that the people I love don't understand me because
a) they are too young
b) they are not in their senses
c) generation gap
d) other important things in life

And then I found a new support system, from someone I never expected. An emotional tie that helped me survive this. If it hadn't been for this person, I would have surely had a nervous breakdown. Even though not there physically, this person has reciprocated a lot more than what I could give. A Godsend indeed.

I want you all to know, I am not a stone...there are very few people I love....and it hurts when they can't reciprocate it.
And when all this happens together, it's sickening.

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